SOS!
by Goldie and Layla
Summary: This story is about Stan and Bijou, and why they would suck as a couple. Add this to your favorites if you hate BijouStan! Oneshot


S.O.S!

This fic was made for BS haters… Ham-Kelly, me, i-luv-kitkats, Kat the Kitty and a lot of other Bijou-Stan haters.

**Summary: **This story is about Stan and Bijou, and why they would suck as a couple. Add this to your favorites if you hate BijouStan! One-shot

**Rating: **K plus

**Disclaimer: **The charactors in this story belong to Ritsuko Kawaii and are trademarked. All related themes are not mine either.

**Fanart: **I would love it!

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It was another boring, yet sunny day for the not-so-happy couple Stan and Bijou.

After all, they **are **BS. (Get it? BS? XD)

Stan shook his maracas boredly and Bijou was fixing her ribbons. They both stared into the lake.

"So, it pretty fun being a couple, eh?" said Stan flatly.

"Oui…" lyed Bijou. But what Stan didn't know was that Bijou had a fat, deadly, ugly secret… she was cheating on him. Twice.

Night fell, after a boring day of doing nothing, and Stan and Bijou went their ways. It began to pour.

Bijou walked up to Hamtaro's house, and slid up the drainpipe. She walked across the creaky, dark, wooden floor boards, and tapped on one of the bars of Hamtaro's cage. Hamtaro looked up from his woodchip bed, and saw Bijou. He tickeyed over and opened the cage.

"Hi, Bijou!" he said in his usual, sing-song voice.

"Bonjour, Hamtaro." said Bijou, taking the towel that Hamtaro handed to her. She dried out her ribbons. Then she gave Hamtaro a hug, leading her hand down his warm, fuzzy, back, feeling his cream-coloured fur. She sighed into his shoulder, and Hamtaro, surprised, squeezed her back.

"What time ees it?" she asked Hamtaro innocently.

"It's… 9:00 PM." said Hamtaro, looking at Laura's clock. The he grinned. "It sure is fun being a couple, eh Bijou?"

"Uh… oui, oui…" said Bijou, pulling out of the hug. "I 'ave to go, darling!"

"Ok, Bye-Q Bijou!" said Hamtaro, waving goodbye as Bijou _bada-badad _away.

Bijou slid down the drainpipe back into the rain. She ran acorss the street into the park, only to bump into… Sandy. She was holding a leaf over her head, using it for an umbrella. She raised her eyebrow. She was the only one who didn't know about her relationship with Stan, besides Hamtaro and Boss.

"Bijou… aren't you supposed to be at home? It's a pouring wet Friday night… and it's 9:30!" said Sandy, taking a step towards Bijou. Bijou stepped back.

"Uh… uh…" she hesitated. "B-but aren't _you _supposed to inside with 'illary?"

"I'm going to see Maxwell!" cooed Sandy, hearts in her eyes. "You should go home before you catch pneumonia."

"Uh… o-o-o-ou-oui." stuttered Bijou. Sandy brushed by her, spinning and dancing.

Bijou ran as fast as she could to the clubhouse. _I hope I haven't kept Boss waiting… _she thought to herself. She ran into the cave, and soon reached the bottom of the tunnel. She knocked on the door. Boss opened it, blushing furiously.

"I-it's nice of you to come so late on such short notice…" gushed Boss.

"Eet ees nothing, Boss." siad wet Bijou. She stepped into the clubhouse, which was nice and warm. She collapsed into Boss' arm chair. Boss hesitated, a little pissed that she would dare sit in _his _chair, but it _was _Bijou. His love.

Boss handed Bijou a glass of Acorn Tea, and she sipped it.

"I-It's not as good as yours, but…" said Boss and Bijou took his hand as she continued to sip it. Boss froze. Her paw was so soft, so warm…

The hour that passed drifted by for Boss… he had actually spent time with the beautiful soft, white hamster… just him and her…

But soon Bijou departed, and Boss as all alone again. But he had memories. Boring ones, but magnificent ones.

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Another day came for cheater-Bijou. She was sitting by the lake again with her 'real' boyfriend Stan.

She sighed. She was extemely bored. And Bijou, being her horny self, wanted somea ction. Stan was hot. He thought he was the only one for Bijou, and this is what they did every day… so now was the time.

Bijou reached over and… er, groped Stan. (I know, disturbing.) Stan turned around, and looked at Bijou.

"Bijou… what did you do that for?" he asked, his face looked like this: o.0

Bijou smirked and pushed herself onto sitting-up Stan.

"Stan… now that we are boyfriend and girlfriend… we really need to 'ave sex." she said squeezing Stan's chest.

"What? Bijou!" said Stan, trying to wiggle away. He succesfully pushed Bijou off, and zoomed away.

"DARLING! COME BACK!" screeched Bijou. She ran after him.

Stan panted as he ran his fastest along the park, dust clouds tearing up behind him. Bijou was chasing his, full speed, her rms thrown out. Stan climbed up the tallest tree in the park, and rested on a branch. He panted even harder. Bijou climbed up the tree 3 times as fast as Stan did, and eventually reached him. But Stan did the insane. He jumped.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, falling very fast out of the tree, landing on his head with a _clunk_. He began to run away.

Bijou leaped out of the tree as well, only she pulled one of her ribbons, activating the parachute installed in her back. She floated down.

Stan ran. Bijou ran.

Soon they got into the busy part of town, and Stan rounded the corner… only to turn face-to-face into a brick wall.

"Uh oh." gulped Stan. She turned around, and saw Bijou, panting, foam coming out of her mouth, her eyes big and odd-looking.

"TIME TO MAKE LOVE, SWEETIE!" screeched Bijou. Stan cowered and trembled.

"Heke? Bijou, is that you?" asked a familiar voice. Bijou and Stan looked in the dumpster. It was Hamtaro. He jumped out.

"Did you say, 'make love'?" he said, scowling. "I thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend!"

"What?" asked Stan, frowning.

"Uh…"said Bijou.

"Yeah!" said Boss popping up. "I thought you loved me!"

Everyone looked at Bijou. Bijou sweatdropped, and her eyes were dots. She gulped.

"I'll be going now!" he laughed nervously. She ran off.

"COME BACK HERE!" chorused Boss, Hamtaro and Stan.

Bijou ran towards the harbour, the three boys on her tail, chasing Bijou into the sunset.

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_5 years later…_

Bijou sat on a deserted island, a bit of a beard growing off her chin. She sighed, regretting her whole relationship with Stan. She hugged her knees, and rocked back and forth, laughing hysterically.

_VROOOOOOOOM…_

Bijou looked up, and saw a plane over head. She hoped they saw her S.O.S. signal! She jumped up and waved her stubby paws, and screaming "SAVE OUR SOULS!"

Meanwhile, in the plane overhead, Maxwell and Sandy were enjoying a private flight.

"Maxwell, did you see something?" she asked, looking at him.

"No." said Maxwell, focusing on driving the plane.

"Hey, Maxwell…" said Sandy seductively. "Now that we're married, I think we should have sex… why don't we go park on that island down there…" she said, pointing to the island Bijou was on.

"Speaking of sex…" said Maxwell, his eyes narrowing. "I could have sworn I saw you with Panda the other say… and the day before that you were with Cappy…"

"Uh…"

_All I can say is… déjà vu!_

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**THAT WAS IT! Review review review! Add add add! Love love love:3**


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